Like you just have not got the strength to go on:
This past week so sort of virus seem to take me by surprise.
Up until Friday 30th November my life felt like it was going in a more positive direction. My health was improving, I had hope and dream to fulfil, then from nowhere my body felt so ill, and my mind could not cope.
I felt pain that would not stop, my body felt so week. Food was repellant to think of and nothing passed my lips. Still I felt worse with each passing moment till I cried out for help. Help that my poor dear husband wanted to be able to give, but what and how he did not know.
I knew that November 30th was a day that held much emotion within my heart and sole, you see two years ago my Mum left me for the last time to go and be at peace. In my heart of hearts I know that she is in a far better place. She lived a life which was fill with love and grace. At 96 years young her time on earth was now at an end, and peacefully she slipped away. She now would know the many answerers of things that never made sense on earth. During the year that followed her death I seemed to handle not having my Mum around quite well. But come the two year anniversary my emotions came unstuck. At that time of emotional low my body was susceptible to what ever virus that could climb on board and make me sick. I thought that I just wanted to die and be don't with the pain and anxiety of it all, life just did not seem to make any sense to me at all.
Finally at yet another doctors appointment on Saturday the doctor saw my throat was red and told me he would give me a coarse of antibiotics and see if this would help me feel a little better. He also gave me some pills that would sooth my tummy in hopes that I could eat and renew my strength. I asked him if he was a miracle worker, he said "Oh I just do my best".
I know that God does use us all to touch and heal each one he can. For with the medication that doctor prescribed for me, moment by moment my body began to heal. As my body felt better and I began to eat, I have begun to feel better every moment since that time.
I saw my own doctor yesterday who is still a little puzzled with what my blood is doing and now wants me to see a specialist in all about the blood. She mentioned some sort of disorder that I have never heard of, but stress it was not the worst of things like the big C or L but told me it is chronic but there is help that will make my life "more bettera" once we get on the right track.
So today at this moment I feel that life is worthwhile and hope and pray that God will make me well enough to get on the train to Sydney on the 23rd Dec to spend Christmas with our children. But most of all I thank the Lord for giving me a Man "Allan" is his name who loves me through it all, and he always tries to make me smile.
Lets hope I shall be running and going and fly ing my Kite.
To all of you who read my words I wish Christmas Joy and Peace and the Happiest of New Year and God Bless one and ALL.
Chris
In Loving Memory Of My Mum who live within My heart......................