Moments From the Past that still have Effect on TODAY

The Replacement

A child is born but does not survive; this leaves a family in utter turmoil and despair. The mother grieves and the tears flow, the father is in pain but has no answers for his wife and the children feel the darkness in the home. The child that did not live and thrive was taken from the family leaving much anguish, he was only on loan to them.

The mother is told that the child is weak due to his major heart defect and that his life expectancy is very short. To survive at all he needs to be kept from crying as much as possible so that his enlarged heart will not be put under stress. She tries her best to comfort him but cannot succeed. He is in pain and crying, of course, it is the natural reaction to his pain. The poor little fellow has no other way to communicate his distress. The other children within the family try with heavy hearts to distract him in play in a bid to make him happy but there is no hope as the downward spiral has already begun.

Taken from his mother's breast and placed in an oxygen tent in hospital, the mother's tears dry up - she is too numb to feel anything. She simply looks on - feeling powerless, almost a spectator as the baby’s life slowly but surely ebbs away. She feels the strength in her husband's arms around her as he quietly looks on feeling wretched and helpless. The final blow comes when the baby takes his last wavering breath, his struggle is over but the mother feels crushed and her desire to continue living no longer exists.

The ensuing weeks seem unbearable as she goes about the mundane tasks of keeping house and looking after the other children. Her husband, feeling depleted emotionally himself, is at the end of his wits to find a way to rescue his wife from the emptiness she is suffering. A holiday with his family is arranged and although the older children have a wonderful time, the mother's pain and depression deepens. Her life has lost all colour and passion. She has a sense of inertia, no meaning to anything.

Finally, her doctor suggests that another child might alleviate the sense of loss and the emptiness she feels within her heart. The seed is sown so to speak and soon another child is on the way. The mother accepts the gift of this child with all her heart. The family pain still remains but this new little child will soon win their hearts.

The years pass, the baby grows; this little girl feels the burden of being the replacement for the emptiness her mother has suffered in the loss of the beloved baby son. She knows she can never replace him but she somehow feels responsible to sustain her mother's happiness.

Although full of life and fun and outwardly very strong, this dear child has some difficulties that she will have to overcome. At school she struggles with reading and spelling and is constantly told to concentrate more and to work harder to stay ahead of the game. However, although she sees the written word clearly with her eyes, the messages to her brain are interrupted; this makes reading and spelling very difficult. Attentiveness is difficult to maintain as her brain is being bombarded with many different messages at the same time. By contrast, maths is easy, the numbers add up without any effort.

Not to be deterred, this now grown adult goes back to education later in life. Ah! The self-esteem this inspires - she is not dumb as she so often thought.

No, she never did replace the baby boy that her mother had so tragically lost, but she has grown into her own unique self. Still in the shadow of the loss, but able to self sustain.